Week 4! Home Stretch!

Its hard to believe that this is the start of week 4 of my Shakeology and Turbofire challenge. The last part of last week was really rough for me. I had a big (well I think it was big) life change happen and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hide. I didn't realize just how much your emotions can affect you. I was thisclose to diving head first into a tub of ice cream and a box of twinkies. I went through the what if's, I should have, could have's, seriously I was a wreck. My work out that night I was bawling. I think it was because I had just let go of so much emotion and had channeled it in a healthy way instead of sabotaging the shit out of myself. Honestly I can't even tell you how hard it was for me not to take a nose dive off of that emotional cliff and just say screw it. The OLD me would have done it.. I'm really glad that I didn't. 

With that being said this last weekend was my birthday. I turned 35 on Sunday. I ate mostly healthy but I did have a cupcake or two on Saturday night during my birthday dinner and a slice of pizza and some cheesy bread on Sunday with the littlest monster. I didn't work out on Friday but did Saturday and just got home way too late on Sunday to even bother with it. I was worried this morning that I had set myself back but much to my surprise I hadn't.. My waist is still the same but I'm down another inch in the hips and 2 inches I think in the thighs! Can we say happy dance?? Yeah... that totally happened.. 

Tonight I picked up a few groceries and needed a few new sports bras (almost giving myself a black eye is really not fun) and a shirt that was on sale. All three are size Mediums! I haven't bought anything that was a size medium for 2 years. I realized over the weekend that people are noticing which is a great boost. 

the pic on the left is tonight 2/25 and the one on the right is from 2/2

So there's my progress so far.. sadly clothes aren't the same in both photos but what's important is now I can SEE the difference.. I know I've said this before but I'm really excited to see what the next several months are going to bring especially with summer coming! I almost had an anxiety attack when I walked into Target tonight and saw all the damn swimsuits just hanging out and mocking me.. I literally stopped turned around facing the doors and almost walked out. I may never wear a bikini again but I realized its not about that. Its about how I feel in the clothes (or swimsuit) I have and not stressing out about what other people think. I'm going to just conquer it. Come June I'll be hopefully several sizes smaller and won't be walking around the pool sucking in my gut and covering up my flabby booty. LMAO. 

Ok! Time to wrap this up.. I kind of feel like I rambled a bit (SORRY!) and well I stink so a shower is in order. I hope that those of you who read this and are in the middle or just starting out in your journey are having a good week and are continuing to push yourselves. 

Till next time kids!

Shakeology and Turbo Fire Update!

I thought I would update you all on the last few weeks. Yesterday marked the beginning of week 3 of Shakeology and Turbo Fire (both Beach Body programs) and so far so good! I've lost about an inch around my waist, hips and thighs and gained about a half an inch around my biceps. Pretty good I think! More progress than I've seen all the other times I've tried to better myself through diet and exercise. 

Here's what I've learned today. Its better to determine how you are doing by measuring inches lost versus weight lost. Muscle weighs more than fat right? Right! Now while I weigh about the same as when I started this I am, in my humble opinion, slimmer.. Pants that before were snug or gave me a slight muffin top I now need a belt (or will soon) to wear.  Overall I feel better, I'm not as grumpy and I sleep better and with all the water I drink, my skin and hair has also benefited (although the hair and skin is also compliments of Biotin and coconut oil masks once a week). I also have more energy which the monsters certainly like!

after my workout tonight! I like to make funny faces

I found that during the week if I don't work out within 10 minutes of walking through the door of my house I'm mostly likely not going to so I've made it mandatory to do just that as soon as I'm home from work. I get the monsters settled with home work or dinner and I change clothes and flip on which ever work out is on the menu for that day. Sometimes the little guy will do them with me while the older one reads a book and tells me to let him know when I start doing a workout program that doesn't consist of shaking my butt.. haha.

I've decided to continue with Shakeology and will most likely try either Insanity or P90X as well as continue doing Turbo Fire into March. I'm thankful I found something that finally works for me. Its such a huge relief really and as I've said in previous blogs having an amazing group of people to kick my ass in gear if they think I'm calling it in is great!  

I will probably do another blog here in a week or so and show you what has come of the last 30 days. You all can judge for yourself how I've done. No matter if I've lost 5 lbs or 15, 2 inches or 5 by the end of it I'll just be proud that I FINISHED something I said I was going to. I hope that I inspire someone who is trying to get healthy for themselves to just do it and give it their all. I'm doing this for myself but if I inspire even one person along the way.. well that's just icing on the cake now isn't it? 

Til next time kids! ( I promise I'll have a blog up soon of some of the goodies I've recently acquired in the make up department!) 

Stretch Marks or Tiger Stripes?

There is so much pressure by the media and society for women to be perfect and it kind of pisses me off. As women we are expected to be perfect.. Perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect complexions and perfect bodies.. 

Well world, guess what? I do NOT have a perfect body. I have stretch marks on my hips and thighs from growing to fast when I was a kid and I have stretch marks from above my belly button to where the doctor cut me open to remove the monsters. For years I hated it.. Hated the way they looked and felt and I definitely did not want my significant other touching my stomach unless I was clothed. I have cellulite on the backs of my thighs and my ass has some dimples.  As I get older, I'm learning to just embrace it. I don't have 5 or 6 grand to get a tummy tuck and honestly I don't know that even if I did have the money that I would do it. 

With that said.. Here you go. Here is what my stomach looks like now. Hopefully it'll be more toned and trimmed in a month or so but for now... This is what it is. 

Yes this really is my stomach.. taken just this morning

Some women will have stomachs that are worse than this and that's ok. If your husband, boyfriend, partner whatever you want to call it is ok with you just the way you are then EMBRACE it. Sharing this with all of you is part of my acceptance of what I have. Without the monsters, who are my entire world, I wouldn't have these. The hardest thing to do, I think, is to love yourself and the body you have. 

I'll post again on Sunday or Monday with an update on my first week of Shakeology and Turbo Fire.. so until then just remember....

One Million and One

They say a journey begins with a single step. I say it starts with the decision to take that step. I've posted before about trying to lose weight and be healthy and well that attempt like all the million other times I tried failed.  So here I am trying again at one million and one. The difference between all the other times and this one is the reason for getting healthy, I'm doing it for myself. Because I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror. I want to look at a photo of myself and not pick apart everything I see. Flabby arms, soft belly, wide hips, flat pancake ass. This time I'll succeed because of the support system I have.  I'm part of an amazing group all moving towards the same goal. Some of them are farther along than others but every one of them inspires each other to keep moving forward one step at a time, one meal and one work out at a time. 

I don't know that I've actually put my weight loss and gain roller coaster out there before. A few of my close friends have seen me at my lowest weight and at my highest. My lowest was about 115 lbs and that was shortly after my oldest son was born and I separated from my husband. My highest weight was 185 lbs and stayed there for a while after the birth of my second child. I yoyo'd up and down since having my oldest.  Tried this diet and that.. Weight loss pills, atkins diet, even nothing but chicken and rice for a few months and nothing worked. The last 6 or 7  years have been the roughest.  The end of my relationship with my youngest sons dad and all the heart ache and drama that came with it. The death of my dad 8 months later. Depression, stress, work all caused me to drop weight quickly and then after life calmed down and I settled back into some semblance of routine I would gain it back and then some.. 

In 2010, stress hit again as my life was turned upside down by a personal battle that would consume the next 8 months. At the start of it I weighed about 160lbs and 4 months later I was down to 145 lbs. I ate and slept but it was not the way to lose the weight and it was definitely too fast. Life once again returned to  normal and once again the weight started to creep back up. 

So here I am again but this time I have a game plan. Today I started Shakeology and Turbo Fire. Both Beachbody programs. For the next 30 days I plan on eating as clean as I can (which can be hard with the way my schedule with the boys is) and work out every day. I have people I have to check in with every day or every other day and some to help keep me accountable and to kick my ass if I slack off. I managed to make it through my first work out without throwing up. LOL. I'm looking forward to what the next 30 days brings. Especially since I'll be 35 in 20 days.  I took before photos and will take after photos at the end of 30 days as well. Hard to believe I'm going to share these photos really. Admitting you are overweight and out of shape is hard enough without opening yourself up to criticism and possible ridicule BUT if I can inspire one person then any shit talking I get will be worth it.  

These were taken on Saturday 2/2/13. By the end I hope to have dropped 15lbs and shaved off several inches. I believe this time around I can do it. Words can't express really how grateful I am for the support and encouragement from the group I'm in. Some of them have already made some amazing transformations and I really, REALLY want to add my name to that list.

I'll check back in with an update in a few weeks. Feel free to leave your thoughts and comments both good and bad. Till next time kids!  

Go Team Dane!!!

This weekend was a humbling one for me. There are a handful of kids that I love just as dearly as my own and Dane certainly has a very special place in my heart. His mom Tara does too. I'll never be half the parent she is. To deal with all that is on her plate as calm as she's been (although she has had her moments too) and to be on top of everything that the doctor's and nurses do to make sure that he doesn't take any unnecessary backward steps is something I'm not sure that I could do. She's pretty damn amazing in my very humble opinion. To find out why I say this keep reading....


Dane has been up at the Lucile Packard Children's Hospital at Stanford for a month now. He has been battling a serious case of pneumonia. I saw first hand just what he has to go through every day to get better and it was heartbreaking. It really made me appreciate that I have healthy children. I'm really glad that I made the trip up there to see them. It definitely helped to understand just what goes on on a daily basis.

With Dane being up where he is and for as long as he has it has been seriously taxing financially for Tara. She's been lucky and has had donations from some amazing people to give her a helping hand. There is even an auction going on as well to give her some financial assistance.(Here's the link if you are into horses and are interested. http://www.32auctions.com/organizations/5304/auctions/5887?page=1) Between parking fee's to be at the hospital all day ( I was there for about 6 hours and it cost me $12!!), food, gas and having a place to sleep it gets to be ridiculously expensive. For the most part she is up there with him every day by herself but her family is able to go up and hang out with them also and give her a bit of a reprieve. I will be heading back up there in a few weeks as well if they are still up there. 

She's had some "Go Team Dane!" bracelets made so people can show their support for Dane. If you are interested, let me know and I'll get you the information to order one. 

Dane also has Muscular Dystrophy and is the MDA ambassador for the SLO area. He loves fire and police men. Some of the guys from stations around the area  have gone by to say hello and visit with him for a few minutes which is really fantastic of them. It really does make his day!

 I was not prepared at all to see some of the other children and see them hooked up to machines with tubes and wires everywhere. It was really overwhelming. Seeing the photos and videos of Dane hooked up to all that didn't even prepare me seeing it in person. It was really hard to keep it together.

 The thing I've taken away from all of this is life is too short and there are bigger things happening in the world than any of our petty complaints. 

 Dane and I watching a cartoon before I left.

 If you are interested in helping out leave a comment and I'll get you in touch with Tara or get you the information.

My apologies if this is a little rambling..  I'm sure there is far more that I could add but I just really don't have the words to express the right way. I'll post an update in a few weeks. 

Till next time...

The Hair Blog!

Since I haven't blogged in a while I thought that this would be a great opportunity to do so. Maybe some of you who know me wonder why the HELL I cut off my hair.. So I'll tell you why.. I needed a CHANGE (and to be totally honest some sense of control. That week had been a cluster fuck of EPIC proportions). And since my hair is one of the few things in my world that is totally under my control that's just what I did. Chopped. It. Off.

I had been contemplating a minor change for a while.. At first I was thinking well maybe I'll change the color and just add some bangs but as it got closer to going to see Arlan (Who is the BEST by the way!! When Jen moved to LA I was worried I'd never find someone as good as her and I'm really glad that Todd (her fiance who I've known for a million years) posted a link to her hair page on the book of face. Here's the link so go check it out and if you are in the area seriously go see her! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Passion-for-Hair/181075972029795)I didn't really decide to cut it all off until probably about 5 minutes before I showed up at Todd and Arlan's house (I had only decided to cut it to just below the collar bone). While I LOVED my long hair it was starting to break a lot and it was really dry at the ends and super unmanageable. It was driving me crazy. I had started to make a few changes to help out my hair but I'm one of those instant gratification kinds of people and it wasn't enough. 

Here's what I had started doing: I kept seeing pins on pinterest about Biotin and how it helps your hair, skin and nails. So I thought what the hell and picked some up to try. I've been taking it for about a month and I can see a difference. My nails are stronger and grow a little faster and my skin feels a little better too. I hadn't noticed much change in my hair but that's probably because it was so wrecked that it would be impossible to detect any changes. I've also started to use coconut oil as a mask in my hair about once or twice a week. I have really course, thick hair and I've noticed that its not quite as frizzy but again the change wasn't that noticeable. I'll keep up this particular regime and give you an update along with how much my hair has grown in a few months. Lets see if this actually helps make your hair grow faster as people claim... 

OK! Back to Arlans house. When I got there we chatted for a minute about what I wanted to do and I told her I didn't want it any shorter than just above my collar bone. So after we washed my hair and made our way back into the bathroom she got it all pulled up except for the first bit she was going to cut. I hemmed and hawed for a few seconds and then just told her to cut it before I changed my mind.. After she cut it all and added some straight across bangs (I've always had textured bangs before so this was a HUGE change for me.. hadn't had straight across bangs since I was 3.) I felt better. I got home and jumped in the shower and washed all the little hairs off and I started to second guess my decision to chop the bangs like we did. Seriously took me about a week to get used to it. LOL here are the before and afters... You can see it was a pretty dramatic change. 

Here's the before

and the after! 

 

I'm going to grow it out and donate it to locks of love. I won't cut it as short next time thought.. I have noticed after going through some old pictures from the last 10 years or more that I tend to go back to this style or similar about every 5 years.. Last time I cut it about this short was a year or so after my dad passed away. Before that it was just after the birth of my oldest Monster.. 

 

I'm pretty happy with it over all and the comments have been mostly positive.. Although I don't think anyone is going to tell me to my face that they hate it. LOL I'll blog again in a few months with an update on how the Biotin and coconut oil are working and post a new picture of my hair to see how long it has gotten. I have a few other blogs to write as well once I get enough time to do them all. 

 

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think! I'm thinking after I donate to locks of love I may try out a totally new color!! 

 

Till next time kids!!  

Well this is awkward...

Upon reading my dear friend Sars latest blog I realized that I haven't written anything in AGES.. I'm fucking fired.. I don't really have a good reason to be honest. Laziness is a bitch and I'm kind of an expert. I have plenty to blog about.. I have possibly a dozen pairs of shoes to review and several new make up additions as well as just a few life things but I just haven't found the time and/or energy to do it. Sigh. 

I promise I'll start blogging again even if its just to bemoan my inability to get shit done or complain about how the people I talk to at work every day can't seem to get my name right! (seriously.. customers botch it up at least once a day. I've been called STEVE for pity's sake.. I don't SOUND like a Steve.. W.T.F) Its a source of amusement with my coworkers along with giving me shit about my shortness which, honestly, is pretty funny.

All in all, life hasn't been too bad. One or two pretty important people have found their way either into or BACK into my life and I'm pretty happy about that. I forgot how good it feels to be content and happy. I can say with complete confidence that I can't remember when I felt THIS good about certain aspects of my life. Really, its a great feeling. Maybe.... JUST maybe there will be more on that some other time. For now I don't want to jinx shit too much. LOL 

Look for something new within the next week or so. I've gotten some new stuff from Urban Decay that I can't wait to gush about. 

Till next time kids!