A rant or whatever...

In case the title didn't give it away this isn't going to be some girly blog. Lots of things have gone on in the last few months, work has been crazy, one of my good friends got hitched, another is about to give birth to her first spawn soon, others are getting divorced, planning a wedding or trying to figure out what the next step of their lives are.

A few others have disappeared off the fucking map. 

W.T.F? I kind of have a problem with this.. Makes me feel kind of not important enough to call or send a text or leave a love note on my Facebook wall. Some of them will hang out with people we know even though they bitch and complain that they fight too much or what have you. WHY? Why do you do this to yourself? I mean, seriously.. From now on if you are going to hang out with people that you're just going to complain to me about later don't bother.. I don't want to hear it.

Now maybe I'm too quick to just drop people (ok.. I kind of am and trust me, it has bitten me in my ass more than once and no manner of apologizing or groveling was enough to rekindle those friendships). I'll occasionally get a text from said friends asking where have I been or why am I hiding blah blah fucking blah.. Newsflash.. I'm a mom.. A SINGLE mom at that and I don't have time really to go out and do shit but when I DO I'd like to think you would jump at the chance to hang out with me especially when I've been accused of dropping off the radar. Nothing really irks me more than a text saying "I miss you when can we hang out?" and then when I say "Oh.. well I'm kid free on this weekend or that" and you say "can't hang out that weekend" and "can't you just get a sitter?" Nope I can't. I cherish every second with my kids and getting a sitter just isn't an option for me. Some of them understand this and the ones that don't... well there's not much I can do about that now is there? 

Friendship is a two way street as I always say. I know I have kind of a lot of stuff going on but honestly a chance to talk about someone else's shit other than mine is a good thing. That's what friends are for after all. My plate may be full but I've ALWAYS got time for my friends. More than once I've dropped what I was doing or scrapped plans just to help someone I love and care about out. Sadly I can't really say that the same thing has been done for me. In reality I can count on one hand the number of friends who have dropped what they are doing to give me a hand. Its been kind of the opposite especially with how crazy my life has been for the last 14 months. Among all that crazyness the ones I thought that would have my back and be there when I needed a shoulder to cry on or just a distraction were no where to be found. In fact in a few cases I was blown off or just out right ignored. I can't even begin to tell you how much that hurt my feelings. The sad thing is that when I did point it out they didn't get it. The people that were there for me had only been in my life for not even 2 years (and the 2 that I have known for 10 years) and pulled through for me. With that being said... I'll get off the poor me crap cause, really, I'm getting sick of my own whining and well lets face it.. I ramble and make absolutely no fricking sense. 

Now for the semi mushy shizz:

There was one person in particular who pulled me through all of that emotional crazy shit.. Through every meltdown, anxiety attack and talked me through every thought of self doubt I had that I was doing the right thing and that was Sarah. More than once she would bully me into going to her house, making me dinner or dragging me out to be social so I wasn't sitting at home alone causing my self more stress by worrying over shit I had no control over. If it wasn't for her and to a lesser degree the ex hubs I'd have probably totally lost my shit. I know that she's going through stuff right now too. This time of year just fucks people up all kinds. I should know cause I'm a mild basketcase myself right now. Hopefully she remembers that I always have time for her no matter what I've got going on. (loves you)


In the last 4 or 5 months the two that have been supportive are Geneva and Tara. They are fun and I adore their kids and my kids absolutely love them. Its a good thing. I'm glad I have them in my life. 


And then there's Darci... I'm thankful for her for more reasons than I have time to write.

I love you girls.

I'm grateful beyond words for the support that I had through what I had to deal with and for the residue that's left over. I'll never be able to vocalize that properly. Not in a way that will convey it in a way I want to. 

awww.. ok... nice way to end this right? Till next time peeps..